So...I am not a "morning" person...I have never really been a person, not have I EVER claimed to be a morning person...when I wake up in the morning, I like to take my time getting out of bed-it is a process that USED to (pre-Hannah) go a little something like this:
1) I find THE comfy spot in the bed-you know the one I am referencing here-the one you spend ALL night looking for-without realizing it, of course
2) The alarm goes off approximately immediately after said comfy spot is located.
3) snooze on the alarm (which, at current, is the LOVELY sound of a rooster...no lie. the more irritating the sound of my alarm is, the more likely it will wake me up...don't believe me? ask my roommate from my Sophomore year-Melinda-she will tell you-I had this alarm clock that would play nature sounds-beach, babbling brook, forest sounds...got me? Good-well it would go off every morning, and of course, every morning, I would sleep right through it because I did not find them irritating enough to cause me to stir from my state of slumber-and every morning, Melinda would yell at me about hating the sound of running water in our room...seriously...ask her...Shout out-Love and Miss your face Mindy! Sorry for the torture you endured with the running water and birds chirping...at least you don't hear the rooster, like Hubs does though.)
4)rooster crows again
5)rooster is silenced (this repeats at LEAST 3 times...don't judge me...if I could set longer snooze times on the alarm I would probably do it and it MIGHT reduce the amount of times I hit snooze...but the world (nor the Hubs) will ever know because it is not an option...
6) I move one leg out from under the blanket to make me slightly more uncomfortable to make it easier to get out of bed
7) sit up
8) groan as I get out of bed
9) shower
10) get dressed while watching a combo of The Daily Buzz, VH1/MTV videos, and Live 5 news for current news and traffic weather reports...
11) get in my car and listen to music that fits my current mood
12) arrive at work and get started on the to do list made the day before...
Now, all of that being said (pre-Hannah time) I generally don't like to strike up ANY sort of conversation OR do anything that makes me feel uneasy or cause me stress until about 9:30 or 10...it just better for everyone that way...trust...
(As an aside, now that we are in the Hannah stage of life, I operate under her schedule, and after dropping her off (or leaving home, in the event Hubs is off for the day) I resume into the no talking mode...Hey-you can't not speak to the Hannah-it's not possible because she WON'T let you...(not that I would really want to because I love that kid) she will literally repeat her statement/question over and over again, until you address her...you know like that SUPER IRRITATING Family Guy commercial (I REALLY HATE this commercial BTW) where the kid is stand there saying Mommy Mommy-Mom-mom-mama-mama...yeah, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about-and you either hate it like I do, or you are laughing all over yourself like Hubs does because you know someone who hates it like I do...ugh...I digress-none-the-less-I will make an exception to my silence in the morning rule when it comes to Ms. Hans.
There is always that one person (generally a female-and you know if this is you) who is the Epitome of Morning Person...you know the one...She walks in and you can practically HEAR the bounce in her step, and can LITERALLY hear her say Good Morning to EVERYONE around the path she takes to her desk-(at this point you have either said "Self, she is talking about me!" or "Ugh, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and know a person who fits this description perfectly...") I will say good morning back to this person but then return to my nonspeaking condition...and generally put mt ear buds back in my ears so I can drown out any surrounding noise and get back in the focused -work mode.
Now, you also need to know that I have a few pet peeves when it comes to driving...oh come on-you do too, you just don't want people to know...I am only going to list a few of them...because I would like to keep your attention so you will keep reading and hear the actual Vent Sesh...(shout out to Cara there, because I know she is grinning ear to ear right now with the use of shortened words...) Moving Right along...Pet Peeves while driving
1) slow drivers...specifically being stuck behind someone who is a slow driver...ESPECIALLY if they are in the "fast" lane of a multi-lane road...Examples include, but are not limited to MOPEDS-I don't care what the speed limit is people, get your moped out from in front of my vehicle...period...,(shout out to my sister for this one...) People who cannot multi-task (e.g. talking on the phone and driving, talking to the passengers in their vehicle and driving, singing while driving, entertaining toddlers while driving, doing your makeup while driving, changing the radio station while driving...)seriously-I am not saying you should be doing ANY of those things while operating a motor vehicle, but if you are considering doing any of the aforementioned-and it results in your driving slower than you should be-GET OFF THE ROAD or don't do it....I digress
2)People who turn their blinker on A MILE before they turn...I don't need you to announce your intentions of turning until you can at LEAST see the place in which you intend to turn
3) That being said, I also hate when people DON'T use their blinkers at all...If I am trying to turn onto a road while at a stop sign, and you are on the road of which I need to turn, and you DON'T use your blinker-letting me know I can turn and not T-Bone you, I am going to get mad...and saying something like-"What-your blinker doesn't work today?" not that you can hear it, but it will make me feel better none-the-less...also with the lack of blinker...
4) If I want to change lanes on a 3 laned road and I turn on my blinker to do so, and you also want to change lanes to get into the middle lane also-but you opt to NOT use your blinker...you will likely find out that you are #1...and see a few choice words from me, as I swerve back into my original lane...you are not on the road alone people, so don't act like you own it, you don't...and if you did, you need to put more money into fixing it...until that point, USE YOUR BLINKER (I should add that Hubs rarely uses his blinker to notify people of his lane changing intentions and then gets frustrated when people don't let him over...to which I say "Well Mister, they can't read your mind, why would they arbitrarily slow down in the off chance that YOU, in the random car on the road in the lane next to them, wants to get over?" It makes him mad every time, but hey...I am right and he knows it...
5) When people choose to stay IN your blind spot...you know the ones, who maintain a pace that prohibits you from changing lanes...ugh...speed up or slow down (when you are doing this, if you happen to see my mouth moving, you will likely see me saying that statement...just slightly more colorful...)
6) People who INTENTIONALLY get in a lane that is ending so they can bypass traffic with the expectation that people further down in traffic will let them over...I HATE HATE HATE this tactic, and refuse to let you over if I see this happening. Now, I know that sometimes you don't realize that your lane is ending-it might be the first time you are traveling on that road...but when I see you change lanes to get into the one that ends and then immediately turn your blinker on as you drive down the lane so someone else will let you in...you have crossed the line...the dotted white line painted on the road and you can stay right where you are Mister/Missy, because I am not letting you over, and don't try to nose your car's way into my lane, because in the event our cars touch-YOU, my frenemy-will be paying for my damages because you couldn't be patient and wait in the line of traffic like the rest of us...which BTW-was probably caused because of people like YOU who were too impatient to wait in the first place...
7)Traffic...in general...i don't like to wait in lines, not in a store, not in a car, not at an amusement park (I feel like a bad Dr. Seuss book right now...)
Now, I also have one more thing that really irks my nerve that you should be made aware of before my vent sesh...and that is my EXTREME DISDAIN for CREEPY OLD DUDES...I feel like this goes without needing an explanation...nuff said...
Let the ACTUAL Vent Sesh Begin.
So this morning, I was IN the Comfy spot, and of course, the rooster starts a crowin-and immediately, he is silenced-and off he goes again, and again I put the kibosh on that loudness. Before I have the unfortunate opportunity to be blessed with the sound of the fake-rooster crow-I hear Hannah yell-"MOMMY!" Immediately, I run into her room to see what the problem is...when I arrive 2.5 seconds later, Hannah proceeds to tell me, in the darkness from her bed, that "Reeber (River) woke me up and won't get out." To which I tell her I am sorry that the Pupper (maybe puppy in your house ,but it is Pupper in ours) woke her up and I closed the door...and advised Reeber that her stay at my house will be drastically shortened if she continues to wake up Hannah...UGH...so I return to my room and try to get back in my bed...but it is clearly time to get up...so my morning routine is ruined...not a good sign...
I drop Hannah off at my mom's with one thought...I NEED an iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts...yep, if you are having an off morning, get yourself a coffee or tea treat and that will help you get back into the right frame of mind...though when I pass DD, the line for the drive thru is around the building and the parking lot (the WEE parking lot) is packed...so I opt to pass on that DD and decide to visit the one closer to work...no problem...
Here I am, driving along my usual morning route for my morning commute, minding my own business when I turn my blinker to notify the other road warriors of my intention and desire to change lanes (specifically, I wanted to depart from my current location in the far LEFT lane and venture into the Middle lane). When I turn my blinker on, I check the middle lane, where I see a white truck...lingering around my blind spot...ugh...so I wait a minute...and look again to see if the coast is clear...but at this point, have to slow down drastically because I am approaching the long line of traffic I was hoping to avoid by changing lanes in the first place...but the middle lane is moving just fine...except for this ridiculous truck...who has not increased his speed, but rather, decelerated to match my decrease in speed-allowing him to remain in a position to prohibit me from changing lanes-UGH...i am starting to get mad at this point...so finally the white truck comes CREEPING up next to me and I look over into the window of the truck to see A CREEPY OLD DUDE (now to caveat this OLD status-it is really anyone who looks older than I...1 year, 5 year 10 years 50 years, doesn't matter how much older...if you look older and you are creepy, you are lumped into this category...if you look younger than me, you fall into the CREEPY McCreeperson Category...to be clear)...now what makes this dude creepy you might ask, well allow me to tell you-as he passes he is making a (blech) kissy face at me while (gag) licking (blech) his fingers (oh...I am going to be sick again)...GA-ROSSE! WHY?!?!?!?! unnecessary! Now, my day started out off kilter, I don't have my iced coffee yet, you have angered me with your poor driving and you are a CREEPY OLD DUDE...
PSA: It is not necessary to make lewd gestures at a female when she drives by-period...seriously. That female is someones daughter, and granddaughter-could be a wife-a mother-a sister-an aunt-a niece-anything-imagine how you would feel if some creepy old dude made lude gestures at was your wife or daughter or granddaughter or sister or niece...you would HATE it-and if you saw it you would likely not have nice things to say to the individual making the gestures...so just don't...
I spent the rest of my commute to DD and then to work with a perma-stink face...I have it again now as I type...ew...I threw up a little in my mouth when I thought about it again just then...blech...
Now-along the CREEPY OLD DUDE line...Saturday evening, we had a Santa Claus encounter...now in prior years, Hannah has not been a fan of Santa, though this year, she is warming up to the idea...so we were at a venue (that shall remain nameless, because I know this particular Santa does not have an affiliation with the establishment of which we were visiting...because a)they have higher standards and b) he announced that he had just left another engagement and came in for a snack...but did not bother to change his get-up first...
So Hannah tells me she wants to go see Santa...so we go stand in the line...and right before her turn, she decides she no longer wants to sit on Santa's lap and runs away...and 10 minutes later requested we get back in line (because the first time was just a warm up I guess) to see Santa...so we do. She climbs up on his lap he asks her what she wants for Christmas and she says "Cinderella and a Baby doll" good to know...he gives her a candy cane and we go back to our seats...Later Santa begins walking around and visiting with all of the tables...I attempt to take Santa's picture as he approaches our table (I am sitting next to my mom (Ms. Claus was also with him, and I was hoping to get a candid of both of them together...) he sees me taking the pic, and poses for the photo op...after the picture is snapped, he approaches me and leans down and says in a loud whisper, "You know, we could do this the right way and you can come sit in my lap and tell me what you want from me." WHAT?!?!?! SANTA! I.KNOW.NOT. I.DIE...CA-REAP-EEEEE. I instantly regretted letting Hannah sit in his lap and wished she was still afraid of him...because I am now...thanks a lot creepy old dude...
I KNOW that was not the real Santa...and I feel like this is appropriate...
I hope you have a CREEPY OLD DUDE Free day!
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